At what age and how should sexuality be discussed with children?

Contrary to popular belief, there is no need to wait for puberty to talk to children about sexuality.

It is considered very important for children's physical, spiritual, emotional and mental development that they are adequately prepared for this subject.

On the other hand, they are protected against the risks of abuse at a young age and violence by their partners in later years.

Experts also emphasize that sexuality is not just about reproductive behaviors.

In the international guide prepared by the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) on sexual education, sexuality is associated with eight basic topics in a very wide scope, from values ​​to human rights.

So how should one talk about sexuality with children of different ages?

"AN IMPORTANT ACHIEVEMENT IN THE INTRODUCTION TO HUMAN RIGHTS"

Communication about sexuality begins at an early age. One of the most prominent issues in this period is respect for the body.

According to UNICEF, children can learn about their bodily rights and draw boundaries around their bodies from the age of five.

Speaking to BBC Turkish , the Family Health and Planning Foundation (TAP Foundation) Sexual Health Education Program Coordinator emphasizes the importance of parents and relatives respecting children's private space from infancy:

"The child generally knows that he is valuable. He learns that all parts of the body are special and belong to him. As a result, when he realizes that other people are also valuable and special, this is already a very important gain at the point of entry to human rights."

Otherwise, risky consequences may arise for children.

Yıldırım says that when adults kiss or touch children without their consent, it sends the message to the child that "Adults can touch me whenever and however they want."

According to Yıldırım, another important message is that children should know that they can ask their parents and caregivers questions about anything.

"If we don't know the answer or are caught off guard, we should promise the child that we will look into the answer, prepare ourselves, and definitely come back."

Yildirim also says that when learning opportunities arise for young children, it is important to respond appropriately.

"When a child asks why a pregnant cat's belly is swollen, it needs to be answered in an age-appropriate way," she says.

Accordingly, reactions such as avoiding the child or giving evasive answers reduce the likelihood of children talking about the subject with confidence in the future.

Speaking to BBC Turkish , Rayka Kumru, an expert in sexual health, noted that when children cannot get answers from their families, they are more likely to believe the wrong sources.

Kumru, who has a master's degree in sexology from Curtin University in Australia, says that before children develop any negativity, prejudice and fear about sexuality, they can learn from their parents in line with their own cultural values ​​and views, making it easier for them to communicate later in life.

Kumru says that this also allows children to "get support from their parents in a negative situation."

"PARENTS' ONLY COMPETITOR IS GOOGLE"

According to experts, children who cannot receive consistent and healthy answers from their families are more likely to turn to the internet.

"Parents' only rival is Google," says Kumru, warning, "We can imagine how confused even adults get when they ask Google a question."

Kumru states that children are paving the way for misinformation about the body, gender roles, and how sexuality works from sources such as porn.

According to research conducted by the TAP Foundation this year with the participation of more than 500 children aged 9-14 across Türkiye, as children get older, the likelihood of them turning to the internet for sexuality-related matters increases.

In the study, which divided the children into two groups, 9-11 and 12-14 years old, the participants were asked who they consulted when they had questions on these issues.

While the rate of those who said they did not ask anyone in the first group was two percent, this rate increased to four percent in later ages.

The rate of asking psychological counselors decreased from 13 percent to 7 percent as age increased.

The rate of those who see the Internet as a resource increased from 2 percent in the 9-11 age group to 7 percent in the 12-14 age group.

The rate of those who said they consulted their families was over 60 percent in both age groups.

"MAKING IT JUST A HEALTH ISSUE IS A KIND OF CENSORSHIP"

However, according to experts, it is difficult to say that families have sufficient information on this issue.

Şenay Yıldırım, evaluating field observations and different studies together, says that families expect sexuality education from schools or health institutions:

"However, there needs to be cooperation. Areas need to be opened where children can consult. Making comprehensive sexuality education only a health issue also means applying a kind of censorship."

"In fact, sexuality is a social, physiological and psychological issue. We think that educational institutions, families and health institutions should handle this in cooperation."

HOW TO TALK TO CHILDREN?

Answering BBC Turkish 's questions, child, youth and adult psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Bengi Semerci emphasizes that sexuality is not a subject that can be discussed once and then finished.

However, he lists the important points to consider when talking to children, regardless of their age, as follows:

Sexuality is not just about the body : Children should learn that sexuality is not just about their bodies. Therefore, tell them about love along with sexuality. It is important for children to learn about sexuality as a relationship of responsibility, closeness and love.

Simplify your answers : When your child asks a question, answer briefly and simply. Consider the child's age when explaining. Children ask questions that they want answers to; you don't need to tell them more than what they are asking.

Explain types of touching : Your child should know that hugging is a nice behavior. He/she should also learn how it is appropriate to touch you and his/her friends.

Explain values : Children learn values ​​at an early age. Explain how men and women should treat each other.

Check other sources : Remember that you are not the only source from which your child learns about sexuality. You should always be selective about publications, songs and clips with sexual content.

"USE THE BIOLOGICAL NAMES OF THE SEXUAL ORGANS"

Stay calm and relaxed: Even when your child asks the strangest question, it is important to try to remain calm and respect the child's curiosity without judging him.

Understand the question thoroughly: When your child asks a question, do not immediately launch into a long speech. First, make sure you fully understand what your child is asking.

Don't judge your child's questions: No matter what your child's question is, don't question or judge where he learned it from.

Teach privacy: Help your child understand that people need privacy. Teach him to knock before entering when your door is closed. Do the same when your door is closed.

Use biological names for genitals: Once a child can say the names, it is pointless to give other names to the genitals. Therefore, after the age of three, parents should use the correct anatomical names.

Start talking about sexuality early: When you teach your little one where their nose and mouth are, teach them where their genitals are as well, like "This is your penis" or "This is your vagina." It'll be easier to add information as they get older.

Explain the next stage: When talking to children about sexuality, also briefly discuss the next stage of development. Children become anxious as their bodies change rapidly.